A Stronger, Happier Self through Teen Friendships
By Kayla C., California.
One Sunday last spring, my friends and I gathered at my house to work on the poster and decide the food for a cultural food festival at my school. We blasted music on our devices, screaming, laughing, and joking—having the time of our lives. Jolie kept slipping on the floor, causing us to all laugh, so I got her some slippers (she still tripped.) After Jolie came out of the bathroom, Elle knelt and proposed to her with a toy flower, and got rejected. (Elle married Leyla instead.) Later, we went for ice cream and drowned it in sprinkles. It was fun to spend time together and work on a project we all cared about. We could easily engage in conversation and have fun while doing so. Friendships like these make us feel wanted, supported, and free to be who we are. Teenage friendships are vital because they can help you become a better person.
Teens talk more about their social life with friends than their parents. They see them nearly every day at school, online, and outside of school. Teens spend more time going and being at school than they do at home. School is where teens make the most friends and their social life revolves around. The result is that they see their friends more than their family, allowing them to understand better and deepen their bonds. Teens and their friends’ type of humor, experiences, and age all affect how they interact with one another, so they feel more comfortable talking to one friend versus another based on how much they trust them. In the article, Having A Best Friend In Your Teenage Years Could Benefit You For Life, Chen writes, “…unwavering support acts as a kind of protective buffer against insults to your self-worth or feelings of depression. That can be especially beneficial during adolescence, a formative period when peer feedback has extra gravity.” (https://www.npr.org).
When someone requires reassurance and company, their friends act as supportive and protective beings that help them re-assess their self-esteem. The result is that teens feel more confident in themselves and trust their friends to be there for them when needed. They develop more trust in them and feel they can rely on them when they’re struggling, so teens often talk about their problems with their friends rather than family.
We need close friendships in middle and high school because quality friendships can help develop your self-confidence over time. “The significance of adolescent friendships seems to lie not in the number of friends a person has, but in the strength of a close friendship. Popularity isn’t important; it’s the true knowing and being known by another person that provides a teen with critical life skills that will serve him well for years to come.” (https://www.arnoldpalmerhospital.com).
A friendship is more important in quality than quantity. If you were to pick between having more friends but not as close versus only one friend whom you are very close to, it’s an obvious choice. Friends help teens realize they are recognized and loved for who they are and understand and accept their differences. “When the researchers evaluated the participants at the conclusion of the study, the ones who had close, emotional links showed improvement in their levels of anxiety, depression, and self-worth. In other words, they reported less depression and anxiety and more self-worth at 25 than they had at 15 and 16.”
Friends with close bonds lasted for not only a long time but helped both re-evaluate and boost their self-worth and confidence. The links they’ve formed kept them connected, allowing them to build trust and help each other through difficult times. Emotional support can guide a happier life and continued virtuous friendships. All that said, the question remains: how do we make the kind of friendships that change our lives for the better?
The most important part of having healthy, long-lasting friendships is effort. You must put in the work for the friendship to thrive because this is your friendship with your friends. Around Christmastime, my friend, Akhila, gave gifts to our whole friend group as a way to say, “Hey, I appreciate you, thank you for being my friend and making my day better every day.” It showed us that she cares, and it makes us feel happy when we’re in her presence. Each gift was different—she knew what we liked and spent her own time finding a gift for us. She paid attention to the little facts about us and found a gift that related to our interests or hobbies.
When it comes to friendships, race, gender, or cultural background don’t necessarily play a significant role in whom you can become friends with. As long as you find someone enjoyable, and comfortable and safe to be around, that’s considered a friend. One of my friends came out last year, and our friend group all accepted and supported them for who they are. Even our classmates outside of the friend group accepted them. To keep any friendships or relationships alive, you need to make sure everyone is cared for, and show that you are making an effort to sustain the friendship.
One of the greatest gifts in my life is my friends. They support me when I’m feeling low, are fun to have around and feel comfortable around me. During our teenage years, we grow more distant from our parents and feel more self-aware. Having good friends we can rely on can help us later in life because we will have less stress, anxiety, and increased confidence. Friends are important in our lives because they can encourage us to be our best selves.
—Kayla C., California. She adds: “… I can speak primarily English and Chinese. The most important aspects of my life are my friends, family, my pet, and the moments I share with them. I hope to live a fulfilling, but also simplistic lifestyle in the future. The people around me who look down on teen friendships and believe they can ruin relationships with your parents inspired me to write this piece.”